By Anni Boyum
I invite you to take a break from reading and take a deep breath. Ah, your brain & body thank you!
I invite you to set an intention for your day: What’s something you’d like to offer or create today?
I’m an “Executive & Leadership coach” who loves working with leaders and teams with an expansive reach and huge impact on the lives of those they lead and serve. I’ve officially done this work for 15+ years, and unofficially most of my life. When I was a kid, an executive coach was a fancy bus wealthy folks rented to take to an event or destination.
Today, I smile when the monster buses with “Executive Coach” or “Minnesota Coach” painted on the side pass me on the highway. We share the same title and, in many ways, we do the same work; we are both in service of people in reaching their preferred destination. Coaches (the people variety) serve clients by inviting them to become aware of their thoughts, notice sensations in their body and explore new ways of moving, shifting, and designing their life.
When I’m not coaching, I’m probably practicing yoga. I’ve had an in-home-yoga-studio for 30+ years, which makes me sound more dedicated than I am to the teachings of yoga. Just this year, I completed the 200-hour Yoga Teacher Training under the guidance of Suzy Schaak at Pure Yoga in Stillwater, MN. It was truly life giving! During training, I became inspired to learn even more.
After finishing Yoga Teacher certification, I attended the Firefly Training in trauma-informed yoga. This 30-hour program was led by the amazing Annie Kiel of Firefly Yoga International. The mission of Firefly Yoga is to create a world in which survivors of trauma can access, and benefit from, the power of yoga to heal the mind, body and spirit. My intention going into this training was to expand my skills as a yoga teacher so I might someday, offer Trauma-informed yoga classes at Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation. I am passionate about serving and supporting people in reaching their goals. Offering yoga seems to be a natural next step.
When I coach, I ask clients to set an Intention for our time together. During our session, we check back on the original intention to see how we’re doing. If we’re off track, we can choose to come back or recalibrate the intention. Naturally, I apply this in my daily life too.
During the Firefly Trauma-informed yoga training, the intention of being a ‘better prepared yoga teacher in order to teach at HBFF’ morphed, transformed really, to being a better version of myself. I had no idea the depth to which physiology, neuroscience, unique differences and humanity would come into our discussion. I have new vocabulary, much of which I still cannot spell, and more than that – I have a richer sense of what it means to be ‘in service’.
Can I lead a trauma-informed yoga class?
Absolutely, however that’s no longer the only goal. Today, I marvel at how much trauma-informed studies support me in working with clients and working with executives who make major decisions daily, impacting the live’s and livelihood of so many people. I’m more committed to tap into the wisdom of the body, offering an invitation to take a few deep breaths to get present, and explore ways to tune into their internal-genius and discover inspired action.
What’s one thing I will do differently because of this experience?
I will invite people to consider options, not challenge them with my own thinking or assumptions. I will invite leaders to explore or investigate how decisions feel in their body - not just their head. I will tune into my own body-wisdom when I get a little off balance during my day, whether I’m driving, using technology or working with a team. I will continue to do my own work and practice self-care because in all service-based-professions, it’s imperative we do our own work.
I am more aware of the invisible trauma we, as humans, can internalize when our fight or flight responses are unable to complete the natural cycle of release and regulate. Without a movement mechanism, like
trauma-informed yoga which offers the highest degree of choice and personal control and safety, our bodies can get stuck and become dysregulated and that, my friends, can have a huge impact on how we make decisions and lead our lives, our families and our businesses.
I invite you, in your own time, to take a few deep breaths.
Breathing in your nose, exhale through your mouth and tune into your body. I invite you to notice where your body touches the chair. What sensations are you noticing? What movement would support you in feeling even more comfortable, grounded, connected, present?
I invite you to do this before every decision, every conversation, and anytime you feel stressed or pressure. Let me know what you discover.
I invite you to revisit your intention(s) throughout the day. Ask yourself, “How am I doing? What would make this intention even more compelling, supportive, inspiring?”
I invite you to find a way to integrate some trauma-informed insights into your day-to-day leadership.
In joy, Anni b.
By Meghan Foley
My yoga journey started at the tender age of 11. My former football-playing dad brought me along to his Hatha yoga class led by a renowned Swami in the area. I was captivated by this grandpa figure with perfect posture who wore only orange and spoke in hushed tones. I had no idea at the time that I was hooked for life. The Hatha classes were gentle and simple, yet profound. My 11-year old self had no idea what was going on, but I knew that I wanted to go back every week for savasana (final resting pose), and the cheesecake after class at Café Latte that my dad and I always enjoyed.
Fast forward to my first year out of college; I was working an extremely stressful job in Milwaukee Public Schools for AmeriCorps. Yoga came flooding back into my life as an antidote and mental survival tool that got me through easily one of the most stressful years of my life. I jumped in headfirst and immersed myself in a 200-hour teacher training steeped in creative sequencing (hence why I love [Firefly Executive Director] Annie Kiel’s classes so much) and yoga philosophy. I fell prey to the rookie yoga teacher mistake of saying “yes” to every opportunity that came my way and soon experienced burnout and a repetitive stress injury. It was a pivotal time in my life where I learned a painful, yet profound lesson. I had to redefine what yoga meant to me. I began to seek out teachers, friends, and colleagues living and teaching sustainable yoga that did no harm.
That’s when I found yoga therapy. I spent five years traveling back and forth to Kripalu, in the Berkshires of western Massachusetts, studying how to tailor yoga to each individual, regardless of ability, background, injury, health history, etc. I was filled with purpose once again and knew I was on an important path. I shed the identity of “yoga teacher” and began to learn how to wear a new hat that had absolutely nothing to do with me. I asked myself over and over, “how can I best serve the human in front of me in this present moment?”
I had been taking Annie’s weekly classes (in Minneapolis, MN) for a few months when I learned about Firefly’s trauma-informed yoga teacher training. Because of the work that I do in the yoga therapy field, it seemed like a no-brainer to sign up for the training. I attended a Firefly Training in Minneapolis in January 2019. I thoroughly enjoyed and respected the approach that Firefly embodies as it mirrors the lessons I learned so many years ago. How do we truly show up for those in need? How can we take ourselves as the teacher out of the equation and create a safe container for healing, while doing no harm? I appreciate the scientific approach that Firefly takes in explaining trauma, as well as offering practical tools of how to create physical, emotional, and spiritual safety for students.
I am beyond excited to be working more closely with Firefly in the coming months. I’ll be assisting the upcoming Firefly Training in Woodbury, MN, July 19-21 and look forward to merging the fields of yoga therapy and trauma-informed yoga to better serve the community. I believe that my expertise working one-on-one with clients and understanding the different manifestations that stress can take in the body, mind, and spirit will complement the teachings of Firefly.
I look forward to this next step on my yoga path. This work is incredibly important to the community at large, as well as to my own growth. I truly believe that we are all on a journey, and you never know the impact that the smallest act of kindness and compassion can have on another soul. Bringing this sensitivity to the yoga practice can literally change the world around us and I am glad to be a part of this movement. The beauty of yoga is that it can be taught anywhere and to anyone. With a compassionate, insightful, and well-trained teacher, the practice can truly be accessible for every body.
By Casey Cashman
Firefly Training attended: Winona, MN - September, 2018
TW/CW: Sexual violence
As the brilliant Brene Brown says, “Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do.”
As many do, I came to discover the light of yoga in effort to get through some dark times. I was working as a victim advocate, assisting victims of all types of crime, when suddenly the tables turned. During a weekend trip to my hometown, I was sexually assaulted by one of my oldest friends. With my advocacy background, I knew what I could expect in the aftermath. I knew my options to report or not and was well aware of the free counseling resources available to me. As much as I knew about trauma reactions from working with victims, you can never really prepare for trauma.
I experienced a full range of symptoms and reactions that are known to be common for sexual violence victims. I returned to work as soon as I could in an attempt to re-establish some normalcy in my life. I self-medicated with drugs and alcohol in effort to numb the pain of being violated by someone I had loved and trusted. I disrespected my body and let others do the same. I felt unworthy, damaged, and broken. I got really really angry, and very confused. I startled easily and was afraid to be alone. I also became silent about my assault. I didn’t want to talk about it with my family or friends, as I knew that it caused them pain to talk about it as well. I didn’t want them to know how hopeless I had become. I just threw myself into my work serving others and promised myself that I’d eventually deal with it. I tried EMDR and CBT therapy, which helped me cope with daily triggers, but didn’t address how I was treating my body.
Fortunately, I was invited by a friend to try out a yoga class; something that would become my salvation in this healing process. After being disconnected from my body, I was shown how I could safely explore and reconnect with my body. Yoga taught me to become aware of the space that I physically inhabit, and to be grateful for my body and being alive. It taught me that I was strong, driven, and resilient. Yoga became a regular practice of self-care and healing. A time and space where I could focus on myself and nothing else. I didn’t need to talk about the assault in order to feel the scars on my heart releasing and freeing me from the trauma stored within my body.
In the victim advocacy field, the terms often used in direct service include “victim” and “survivor”. Some believe that the term “survivor” is more empowering and forward-thinking, while others see the validation that comes with the term “victim”. As I deepened my yoga practice and embarked on my teacher training, I began to feel open, light, and worthy once again. I felt as though I was moving from a victim to a survivor. I wanted to help other victims to discover the healing gift of yoga.
I was so excited when I landed my first yoga teaching job. I knew that I would make mistakes and certain aspects would be harder than others, like adapting sequences to experience levels, demonstrating inversions, or music mishaps. I was surprised to find that the most challenging part of my teaching journey has had little to do with actually teaching. The studio asked for a head shot and biography for their website. No problem, I thought, how hard can it be? Over a year into teaching and I found that I still hadn’t given the studio my bio. What seemed like a simple task had transformed into a huge mental roadblock. I realized that even though I had come so far in my healing and felt resolve about what happened, it was still difficult to talk about, especially publicly.
It wasn’t until I went to write my teacher bio that I found difficulty in naming and owning my experience. Choosing a label of “victim” or “survivor” was a challenge. Like a lotus flower blooming in mud, my yoga journey was born out of my victimization. I felt like I couldn’t write an authentic biography without identifying myself as a victim of sexual assault, and so I’m incredibly grateful for the #MeToo movement. Even as a victim advocate, without others speaking up and naming the abuse they’ve endured, it would have been much more difficult to publicly identify as a victim. I’ve learned that identity can be fluid and whether I choose to identify as a victim or survivor can depend on many things, but I still have a choice. I find some comfort in knowing that whatever label I use, I know I’m not alone.
While I found the words to write about my yoga journey, I also felt like I needed something more to connect my practice to my purpose. I was thrilled when I learned about Firefly Yoga International - the trauma-informed yoga teacher training was exactly what I needed to finally blend my yoga teaching with my work in the victim advocacy field.
We are all on our own paths to healing, and just like victim advocates, yoga instructors can play a big part in either helping or harming trauma survivors. I realized during the Firefly Training that much of what I learned to be proper teaching methods through my 200-hour training was actually very directive, judgmental, and [potentially] unsafe for students. I was surprised by the level of attention and preparation that it takes to lead a trauma-informed class, and also realized how often I might be teaching on auto-pilot.
The biggest change in my teaching since Firefly has been integrating the use of invitational language into my classes. My 200-hour training emphasized that teachers should “cue-body part-direction”, such as “reach your right leg high”, which is meant to be a clear, concise direction. This style of teaching however doesn’t invite other options or adapt well to physical limitations or skill levels.
When someone becomes a victim, their sense of agency and control is taken away. An advocate’s role is to help victims to understand their options and let them choose what is best for them. It sounds simple, but is so important to effective advocacy; it’s giving control back to the victim and not choosing for them. I appreciated that Firefly emphasized this key notion of choice, which I think is missing or minimized in other yoga teacher trainings. Giving students permission to choose what works for them is crucial to paving the way towards healing. Victims do not get a choice in what happened to them, but as yoga instructors, we owe it to trauma survivors to give options and empower their individual choices on and off their mat.
When you give someone permission to own the narrative of their personal experiences, and view it for whatever it is to them, you provide permission to heal in their own freely chosen way with liberation from the past, to begin writing a new chapter in their lives. A chapter of healing, love, and freedom, with whatever label or title they choose. While the chapters of your life may have many different labels, you are ultimately the author of your own life story.
What I’ve learned throughout my experience, is that humans are constantly changing. We are powerful beyond belief. We can change. We can heal and overcome. Owning our personal struggles is not a sign of weakness, it is truly a sign of bravery and one that takes takes courage. Like Brene says, "..It's the bravest thing that we'll ever do."
By Jessalyn Akerman-Frank
When I saw a facebook post about the Firefly Training in trauma-informed yoga, it spoke to me. My first thoughts were that this is the type of training I need to incorporate into my yoga and advocacy work, and my work with Interpreters who interpret for hearing yoga classes that have Deaf participants. My second thought was, I wonder if they would accept me because I am Deaf and I require ASL Interpreters to participate fully. I am a passionate yoga teacher who loves the practice of yoga and wants to continue to grow in the field, and give that to my community. I decided to apply and to ask for the accommodations I needed. Firefly was very professional, asked all the right questions, and worked hard with me for months to figure out a way that we could work together.
My opportunity with Firefly was a beautiful community experience. It's always nerve-wracking for me to walk into a room with many seasoned yoga teachers, some new teachers, and people from all walks of life. Having ASL Interpreters helps, but knowing that I am the only Deaf person heightens my awareness every time. These feelings of unease lasted for no more than 15 minutes. Why? The Firefly Training facilitator (my teacher was Annie) immediately set the tone within the room.
The room was set up in a circle, which required us to look at each other and grow more accustomed to being together in a small space. The tone Annie used, which I could feel through the interpreters, was gentle. Annie was real, honest, and the way she instructed didn’t make the yoga classes feel like advertisements for the best yoga teacher, or for a studio environment that was “all smiles.” There is nothing wrong with that--but what I wanted was authenticity, and Annie was both authentic and present with us. The process, as we worked through the day, felt like the metaphor of being a caterpillar, shedding layers of skin, bringing out rawness (Truth)--and only by consent and will of the individual. The transformation was evident in all of us. In the end, I truly was changed, a beautiful butterfly of my own.
Annie created space for me, for my ASL Interpreters and for my need to have a slower pace, more time to relay my words, and a sense of comfort that gave other participants space too. With all that Annie gave to my learning experience, I know it was a lot of work, but it was exceptional and so masterfully done. For me, the knowledge I gained was the best challenge I have had in many years: learning the social justice aspects of trauma-informed yoga; discussing language usage and trauma-informed cues; translating that into ASL; becoming aware of the principles of trauma-informed yoga and identifying how to blend that in with Deaf Culture, Community and ASL. I fell in love with Annie’s teaching approach, the Firefly Training, and the community that was built through this program, and I am grateful that all fully embraced me.
It has been a challenge to be accepted in the mainstream yoga community and offered the same opportunities or even get support to grow, so the Firefly Training experience truly gave me the love, confidence and positive light I needed to continue to move forward. Trauma-informed yoga is very different than many of the yoga trainings offered today. It truly embraces the reality of many of our lives (including grief, abuse, loss, pain, depression) with love, light, healing energy, specific yoga terminology, approaches, and curriculum.
I use trauma-informed yoga in my weekly classes when I travel to teach yoga in other countries and in my daily work as an educator, presenter, and community builder. I think all teachers should have the knowledge that trauma-informed yoga offers. It is so important that we are aware of our own impact on students, be mindful of our language use, and understand that different parts of a yoga practice may be comfortable for some, but not for all. The Firefly Training demonstrated that which is missing from many yoga studios that I have been part of: namely, the flexibility, the accommodations, and the acknowledgment of the people in the class and the journeys that brought them to yoga, or yoga to them.
I am grateful to Firefly Yoga International for embracing diverse yoga teachers and making it accessible to me as a Deaf yoga participant. Yoga should be available to everyone, but not everyone makes it available. Firefly took the lead in helping me emphasize this critical point. Accessibility barriers mean working together, finding that bridge, and making it possible for everyone to participate.
Erin Gilmore completed the 30-hour Firefly Training in trauma-informed yoga in February 2017. She teaches yoga full-time in San Francisco, CA. Below, Erin shares with us about her journey as a yoga teacher and how training in trauma-informed yoga has impacted her teaching.
I recently heard someone say that you don’t develop self-love; rather, you recover or rediscover it. Hearing that lit my internal YES button in a big way. And it made me recall how I’ve always thought of my yoga practice - as a practice of remembering, rather than learning. Remembering that yes, I do, in fact, love myself. Remembering that I’m capable. Remembering I’m a survivor. Remembering all these good things about myself, and all the while, building a strength that allows me to compassionately look at all the not-so-good things in me.
As a yoga student, I think it’s important and empowering to realize that this self-love has been within you all along, ready and waiting for you to dust it off and make use of it again. As a teacher, however, I’ve found a different journey. Teaching has been very much about learning from external sources and developing new techniques. Over the years, I’ve been forming and reforming how I create space for people to explore themselves every time I step into the yoga room. Through teaching yoga in a variety of spaces, I came to learn how many people attend yoga as a way to heal themselves. When I learned about the Firefly Training, I knew it would get me closer to helping students with trauma, but was surprised to find how it would impact my everyday teaching in profound ways.
One of my main goals as a guide is to help people feel deeply and powerfully connected to themselves. Achieving this means I need to utilize the clearest communication. The Firefly Training gave me a much greater awareness of the importance of what I say, and how I say it. I’m happy to report that since the training, I’ve made seemingly tiny tweaks to my language when teaching, and those changes have made a huge difference in how people receive the practice and experience themselves in my classes.
After learning more about trauma, I returned to my full-time teaching schedule and I noticed how my encouragement to go all-out and up-level poses could be detrimental to people having the true, in-the-moment experience that I was hoping to facilitate. People already feel tremendous pressure to perform and be perfect when they step into a vulnerable space like the yoga room, and I was unknowingly contributing to this pressure. In an effort to fix this, I actually overcorrected and swung hard in the opposite direction to the point where people were commenting that I had become “too nice”! It took me a minute to find the sweet spot of language that allows for an individual to feel empowered enough to make their own choices, in support of their own well-being. The feedback from people has been tremendous. “Permission” is one of the main things people tell me they feel when they practice with me.
There is so much to consider while attempting to hold space for other people while they process pretty big things. There are power and privilege dynamics at play, and microaggressions I had never considered before learning about these issues in the Firefly Training. I was trained to see teaching trauma-informed yoga through the lens of social justice, and inclusivity.
I feel like I could go on and on about all the lights that Firefly turned on for me, but I will leave you with this: it made me a more thoughtful and compassionate teacher and that is valuable for every student I’ll ever encounter.
Erin Gilmore is originally from Cape Cod, MA. She went to college in NYC, and eventually, relocated to San Francisco on a whim in 2009. Erin has been teaching full-time in the city for the past 6 years and has 500 hours of yoga teacher training. With a fresh weekly playlist and a profound message of self-acceptance, Erin teaches students to focus on their unique journey through reflective practice and hard work. Her fast-paced, deeply-rhythmic flow and strength-based training takes yogis on an intentional, invigorating, focused journey away from their ego to a place of peace and self-love. Yoga was the driving force behind reclaiming her own sense of self-love and freeing her from a long battle with bulimia and anorexia. Above all, she hopes to creates a space to practice feeling what you're really feeling, in the midst of a challenging flow, supported by good music and jokes, surrounded by community. Over the last year, Erin has also run a monthly all women's class, StrongWomenSF, that benefits Planned Parenthood. Teachers Erin admires: Elena Brower, Kathryn Budig, Sally Kempton, Annie Parr, Annie Carpenter, Jason Crandell, and Noah Levine.
Over 100 yoga teachers and social service providers have now completed the Firefly Training in trauma-informed yoga. These individuals are equipped with the knowledge and skills necessary to facilitate yoga for trauma survivors in a safe, effective, and compassionate way. In numerous states across the country, Firefly trainees are initiating trauma-informed yoga classes in their own communities and integrating principles of trauma-informed care into their work. Firefly is thrilled to highlight the dedicated efforts of these individuals on the Firefly blog. This month, we celebrate the work of Judy Fuller, a massage therapist and yoga teacher living in Alta Sierra, CA.
Judy Fuller attended the Firefly Training in Spring 2017 in Grass Valley, CA. She has since initiated and run a trauma-informed series entitled, “Learning To Manage Anxiety, Depression & Post Traumatic Stress.” Among other things, Judy’s program incorporated gentle core opening yoga, relaxing breathing practices, guided awareness and imagery, body centered mindfulness, expressive arts, and education on the brain, nervous system and neural plasticity. She capped her series at six participants to ensure emotional and physical safety for everyone. Here is what Judy says about her work:
“I attended the Firefly Training in trauma-informed yoga last spring. Following the training, I was inspired to put together a series class, pulling from all my learnings from almost 30 years of working with students and clients.
I have now run two series which both filled to capacity. The feedback has been amazing, with some of the participants now reporting they are able to recognize more quickly when they are outside their tolerance window, and that they are able to use the tools we developed in class to bring themselves back in. The biggest reward for me was to see them developing self compassion towards parts of themselves they had always been ashamed of and tried to hide.
Developing and teaching this series was challenging and stretched me in my own self-care and facing my own edges, but it was well worth the effort. Each class was two hours long and I took students through handouts, lectures and experiential practices. We also spent time developing a “tools for management” list, which everyone contributed to. I plan to continue the series in early 2018."
Firefly is inspired by Judy, and by all trauma-informed yoga teachers who are making unique, much-needed offerings across the country. As the devoted Mahatma Gandhi once said, "The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." The Firefly Training convenes service-minded yoga teachers and providers for three days of learning, sharing, and growing. Through the lens of social justice and activism, this intensive prepares individuals to design and implement trauma-informed yoga initiatives in their own communities. To learn more or register for an upcoming training, visit our training page.
About Judy Fuller, CMT, RYT
Judy has been in practice since 1990, with extensive training including integrative massage, craniosacral bodywork, hypnotherapy, Ayurvedic Lifestyle Counseling, herbology, Svaroopa Yoga, Embodyment Yoga Therapy and trauma-informed yoga. Judy’s wide background allows her to bring a unique, integrative expertise to each class and private session. Having experienced chronic depression, anxiety and PTSD herself, Judy is passionate about empowering others to overcome the shame and paralysis which can block you from living a healthy, vibrant life. Her PTSD service dog, Chai assists in her courses, as well. She teaches Core Opening Yoga at Full Life Yoga in Nevada City, CA and in her home office/studio in Alta Sierra, where she also works with clients individually.
By Angela Hale, Firefly-trained yoga teacher and guest blogger for fireflyyoga.org.
It’s a helluva time to be human, isn’t it? We’re living in a period of radical transition. There are days (months!) when the world shifts right out from under my feet, like sand on the beach washing out to sea. It’s wild, and beautiful, and at times utterly disorienting — riding these energetic and emotional tides can feel, frankly, like being tossed about by colossal waves, periodically pulled under, holding my breath and praying for a break to find my bearings. How do we live when we don’t even know which way is up? How do we come into balance in perpetual ebb and flow?
balance |ˈbaləns| (noun):
an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady:slipping in the mud but keeping their balance | she lost her balance before falling.
When we talk about balance in the context of yoga, people often envision holding a perfectly picturesque dancer or a deeply rooted tree pose… but trembles and falls don’t usually happen when we’re standing still and steady in an anchored position. Rather, we wobble in motion as we shift and transition.
There’s no difference, really, between yoga and life. One way or another, aren’t we always in flux? The tide comes in, the tide goes out, the tide comes in, the tide goes out.
“Your hand opens and closes, opens and closes. If it were always a fist or always stretched open, you would be paralyzed. Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding, the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated as birds' wings.” (Rumi)
The path to building balance and coordination, then, is by way of mastering these transitions, developing our own power, and coming to know that (even as we sway) we are held by something greater than ourselves. It’s the difference between fighting the waves and floundering about until we’re totally exhausted, or trusting our own buoyancy and resilience and the rhythm of the water to float us to its sparkling surface.
Balance is not a perfectly weighted scale. It’s an exquisite dance. A surrender to grace. Whether on or off the mat, balance is a moment-to-moment practice of continually noticing — where we are in space, the truth about our emotional experience, the pattern of our thoughts, the tempo of our lives — and then, when out of balance, finding the breath, feeling the body, resetting the mind, and returning to center. Over and over again. Wave, after wave, after wave.
"Yoga is a balancing factor, a substratum across all of your life, so you do not get shifted in one direction or another. It gives you freshness, gives you light, recharges your batteries. You become a stable person. You realize what balance is, what sukha is, what contentment is, what joy is.” (Birjoo Mehta)
I discovered this for myself nearly ten years ago, when I was just beginning the long road of recovery from a traumatic brain injury. I’d been blindsided, literally, by the corner of the wall that separated my stove from my breakfast nook as it met my skull and knocked me back five feet to the kitchen floor, and figuratively, as this unforeseen passage was not how I had imagined setting sail into my post-collegiate life. I was as off-kilter as I had ever been — an injured brain gives itself entirely to its own healing, and being emotionally well-balanced is very, very low on its list of priorities. I remember lying in bed one evening while my mother, who had flown in from out of state to be with me, washed dishes on the other side of the wall. I reflected on how grateful I was for her love and support, for our close and trusting relationship, and for the circumstances that allowed her to telecommute from my tiny apartment. Simultaneously, I wanted to kill her. Or myself. Or perhaps just burn down the apartment. My brain screeched, “WHY THE F* IS SHE MAKING SO MUCH NOISE AND WHY WON’T SHE JUST STOP?!?!” In those first months, I was uncharacteristically emotionally volatile, constantly cognitively and sensorially overwhelmed, and totally exhausted. I struggled to make sense of it all - why had this happened? How would I ever survive when I couldn’t seem to get through the tiniest challenges or simplest days without a meltdown? Who were these seemingly disparate people living inside my mind and my heart? I was desperate. I was drowning.
… And then I found my way into a yoga studio. I experienced more meaningful recovery in those first two weeks on my mat than I had in two months of physical, cognitive, and talk therapy. My doctors forbade any inversions, including the standard downward-dog, but with the support of my teachers and a whole lot of patience and salty tears, I made it work. I stopped fighting the torrent of thoughts and feelings, surrendered, and set out to meet myself with tender curiosity, and extraordinary compassion and courage, exactly where I was at. I gave myself — body, mind, and spirit — to floating. As I learned the art of being in flow, my wobbles waned, my stormy thoughts slowed, and my emotional tide became more even and gentle. In my practice, I found stillness. I found center. I found my way home to myself. I rose to the surface, and breathed (really breathed) for what felt like the first time.
Yoga - the spiritual, physical, and philosophical practice - is a powerful channel for connecting to the center of the self. It’s a method of deep inquiry, and of learning to meet ourselves (in moments of stillness and moments of struggle alike) with curiosity, compassion, and courage. It’s a perfect mirror of our lives, and what it means to choose tenderness and grace and love as we are adrift in this ever-changing, watery world.
So what might it be like to release resistance to the motion of the ocean and touch the truth of that tender heart of yours? To stay soft, let yourself be moved, and return to breath? To greet the body, mind, and spirit among the waves, with all the love you can muster? To ask yourself, with earnest curiosity: where am I carried now, and what is the dance of balance in this moment? In my own little raft, this practice has brought me peace, freedom, and ease as I rise with the swell, fall, and rise again. And again. And again.
Angela Hale is a writer, spiritual mentor, yoga teacher, and energy healer. She believes that every person is inherently worthy and capable of living with every ounce of their being - whole, wild, and free. You can walk this walk with her on Facebook at Whole, Wild & Free and subscribe to her newsletter here to stay up to date on her latest adventures and offerings. Angela Hale participated in the Firefly Training in trauma-informed yoga in San Francisco, CA in 2016, and is a guest blogger for Firefly Yoga International.
S.L. Rogers is a participant in the Firefly Program in trauma-informed yoga offered at PAVSA (Program for Aid to Victims of Sexual Assault) in Duluth, MN. Read on to learn about Rogers’ experience using trauma-informed yoga to support the healing of her mind, body, and spirit.
"I had done yoga previously for a number of years, Kundalini many years ago and Hatha which I had been participating until about a year prior to finding out about the Firefly Program [at PAVSA].
Having gone through a number of major traumas in my life, I found yoga to help center myself, to get some grounding within the tumult that was and still is my life. Having lost my ability to remain employed in a manner where I could afford to continue any practice at all, I was forced to do without yoga as well as anything else not an immediate need, stripping away so I could afford to simply live. Due to limited space, mobility and other circumstances it was difficult to do much practicing at home.
I found out about Firefly when working with one of the people employed at PAVSA. She was quite excited that it was going to be something that would be offered free of charge for those who have been through trauma. There was information on the trauma-informed methods which I read up on. In the end, it looked like a good fit for me. I was very excited to try it.
When we think of trauma, it takes many shapes and forever changes lives in different ways. There is always a psychological component to trauma, often there are physical reactions as well, from panic attacks to disability and pain. If there is job or income loss due to the trauma, people are forced into positions where the very agencies designed to help them frequently hold prejudice against us who bravely persist in the struggle to survive. We are hit with expectations that are unrealistic and stereotypes that rarely fit who we were or are. I don't think that any of this should be minimized. This adds additional stressors and often more trauma that creates a repetitive cycle, wearing us down psychologically, emotionally and physically as well.
The Firefly Program helps give some of our control back. Mindfulness, focus and intent removes peripheral details repeating within our thoughts that may seem insurmountable. Proper breathing brings our heart rate down, increasing oxygen and clarity, giving hormones comprising our fight/flight system a break. The stretches in poses target muscle groups that have become tight and painful, increasing our elasticity and releasing tension that binds us. Combine this with atmosphere and music geared to relaxation, and an instructor focused on abilities and encouragement for adaptation, and it's a winning combination for which I am grateful.
An added benefit is a small community of women who, although strangers, become a source of support for each other. It is gradual, and while some people attend intermittently, we all know that each has suffered in some way. There is an element of compassion that comes through and the atmosphere is both safe and supportive. Our instructor reinforces this through instruction methods with added benefits of opening and closing readings promoting hope, meditation, visualization and calm. She shares her own experiences and is an easily approachable individual who does so much to create our atmosphere of safety and support. We are given tools for clarity and survival that are learned through repetition that we are able to take with us to use where and when we are able. One can't put a price on mindfulness, clarity and physical well-being that carry over into an individual's daily life, from peaceful moments to chaos that trauma survivors need to release.
I strongly support the Firefly Program. It has made a difference in my life and in the lives of others. I believe every trauma survivor should be offered this program as an option to find tools that create a coping method for their particular situation. The Firefly Program gives back not only to individuals but takes us into our communities with clarity, mindfulness and physical well-being each working in tandem. The multi-faceted return of this program is priceless. Thank you."
-S. L. Rogers, Duluth, MN
Firefly Co-Executive Directors (EDs) interview Sarah Terranova (ST, pictured right), a Firefly Yoga teacher and massage therapist based in Tahoe City, CA.
Since November 2015, Sarah has led the Firefly Program in trauma-informed yoga at Tahoe SAFE Alliance, a domestic violence and sexual assault center in King’s Beach, CA.
EDs: You participated in our Firefly Training in trauma-informed yoga in May 2015. Can you tell us how about that experience and how it prepared you to lead survivors through a practice?
ST: The Firefly Training prepared me to lead trauma survivors in an extremely grounded but also soft way. For me, the focus of the trauma-informed teaching is much different than my original training in Power Vinyasa. With a slower paced teaching style, I learned trauma-informed language and how to use that language to support the survivor in exploring their body and mental state. I also learned how to offer variations more effectively, for poses you might not even think to modify in “regular” studio classes.
Trauma-informed yoga gets back to the pure roots of practicing yoga. It’s not to look more fit, do crazy arm balances, be pushed beyond your limits or any of the other interesting reasons people are drawn to yoga. It’s purely to practice awareness of the body and the breath. To gain a mindful state on the mat in order to take it with you in your life off the mat. The Firefly Training taught me that simplicity was ok, and still a powerful practice of connection to oneself. It gave me the confidence to teach that less really is more.
EDs: You have been leading our Firefly Program at Tahoe SAFE Alliance in King’s Beach since November 2015. What has your overall experience been like there?
ST: The experience has been new and ever-changing. Overall, my feedback on the program is that it is well-received from participants who come regularly, but each week is so different - I never know what to expect. These classes are much different than a studio and the students react differently to the practice than a studio class.
EDs: From your perspective, how has the Firefly Program (trauma-informed classes) been received by the participants? Do you notice any changes in clients before/after class? Do you have any particular anecdotes you’d like to share about your experience?
ST: Those who attend seem to really like it and have recently been inquiring about things like concentration and focus during class. I’ve had a few ask for more or longer relaxation practices, such as the Nidra-based guided relaxation I typically offer at the end of each class. That seems to be almost everyone’s favorite part, and most recently I’ve had a few students drifting off during it, completely relaxed with slow to snoring breaths. Participants seem to have that yoga glow afterwards, seemingly more grounded.
EDs: When you lead trauma-informed classes, what sort of preparation do you enact before teaching, and what self-care efforts do you make after?
ST: It’s quite a drive from my house so usually I ground on the way there, and sometimes hang out in the area prior to class so that I don’t feel rushed. A big self-care technique has been actually doing the post class write-up (teaching journal) to process class and help me make mental notes of what I want to remember, or if something came up during the experience that I want to revisit.
EDs: From your experience, what is the primary difference (from a teaching perspective) in leading trauma-informed classes versus studio classes?
ST: The primary difference for me would be language - not using any Sanskrit (which can make yoga seem even more of a mystery to students) or triggering words, such as “deepen”. The pace of class is definitely slower and I offer more variations and props than many typical studio classes.
EDs: Tell us about your yoga practice and teaching career. How long have you been teaching yoga? What types of classes do you teach?
ST: I have been practicing yoga consistently for seven years and teaching for three and a half. My practice style has mostly been an Ashtanga-inspired vinyasa. Since my first yoga teacher training in the spring of 2013, I have been introduced to many other styles that I enjoy practicing and teaching. I now teach Power Vinyasa yoga, or just Vinyasa yoga, Yin, Hatha Flow, and Yoga Nidra.
Photo: Sarah Terranova (back row, left) participated in the Firefly Training in trauma-informed yoga in spring 2015. She began leading the Firefly Program at Tahoe SAFE Alliance later that year.
EDs: We’d love to hear about your career path in serving/massage therapy. What is the nature of your work? What led you to this line of work?
ST: I do massage therapy part time. My first yoga teacher training, and the desire to help others, led me to my interest in massage therapy. It is a yogic line of work, based on giving healing touch and supporting others. My other current job, possibly not a career but my line of work for now, is serving. Serving was always a way to afford me my tuition costs for college, then yoga training, and then massage school. Simply serving people food and drinks is a job that has helped me afford the time and money for the training's I’ve wanted to do without working 40 hours a week. It was always just a means to an end but living in a tourist area now, it is one of the few jobs available.
EDs: Do you see a connection between yoga and your day job? If so, how?
ST: I definitely see a connection with yoga and massage. Yoga brought me to massage. Both are healing, but I think yoga is a practice to learn how to heal yourself whereas massage is purely receiving a healing touch from others. As a massage therapist, self-care is highly encouraged and yoga is one form of that for me. The teachings of yoga have absolutely spilled into my daily life of serving late at night and waking early for yoga or massage work, in that I am more mindful of my interactions with others. Self-care is now important to me and I am more loving and compassionate towards others in the workplace, customers and co-workers.
Christine Bowden is a yoga teacher and retired combat veteran of the US Army.
In January 2016, Christine traveled from her home in Ohio to Minneapolis, MN to participate in the Firefly Training in Trauma-Informed Yoga. In this blog, Christine reflects on using yoga in the healing process, from her unique view as a veteran and a yogi.
A lot can happen in 12 years… a lot can happen in 24 hours. Truly, things can change within an inhale and exhale. When I reflect on my yoga journey over the last 12 years of my life (10 ½ of which were spent in the US army), I am overwhelmed by a sea of emotions and sensations. On one hand, I recall the profound self-doubt and common internal judgments I made such as “what can yoga do for me?” and “I barely have time to choreograph a dance for my undergrad thesis, much less sit and meditate.” I questioned the stereotypes of what I had assumed yoga to be (at that time), and I was on the fence about making a commitment to bring it into my life (little did I know, it wasn’t going to let go of me very easily).
On the flip side, as weeks turned into months of pondering and researching more on yoga and its benefits, I found myself drawn deeper into the origins of yoga and the ability for an individual to create holistic benefits from within, instead of searching endlessly outside oneself. This realization subsequently led me to a profound sense of freedom and self-acceptance. But the journey itself is rarely a smooth road.
During my 10 ½ years in the U.S. Army in criminal investigation, I initially felt on top of the world. I was living out my dream and on my way to submitting my FBI packet at Quantico for the criminal profiling division. I always had a goal-oriented perspective, which in our culture is highly encouraged. However, what is never mentioned is that this way of life consistently takes the individual out of the present moment. Additionally, our dreams, desires, and actions are viewed as “separate” or external of us when we live in a completely goal-oriented manner.
My life was like this for most of twelve years. For 10 ½ of those years, hyper-vigilance was my “normal”. Often, soldiers do not notice how hyper-vigilance has negatively impacted their lives until they go through a transition, such as from military to civilian life, or a major life event outside of the military. In these experiences, we are often forced to face our perceptions of what is safe or normal. Being a soldier and practicing mindfulness and stillness does not always feel safe. Often in the military, particularly combat zones, reacting to a threat is what keeps one safe. Stillness and mindfulness, in the above context, equates to freezing (i.e., in the stress response) and this can feel profoundly unsafe to military personnel.
To start something new is, in essence, to be completely vulnerable. Sometimes our expectations shade our ability to be mindful of potential opportunities right in front of us. Becoming a trauma sensitive yoga therapist has allowed me to witness the power of healing in moments of stillness.
First, we are all connected on many levels, and at the root of our existence is the innate desire to feel safe. In times of trauma, stress, and uncertainty, our initial reaction is to engage our stress response: fight, flight, or freeze. This is an avoidance tactic. It isn’t comfortable for us to stay in an unsafe moment. Our bodies and minds are profoundly adaptable in creating ways to keep us safe. Unfortunately, in the long run, avoidance is not conducive to our trauma healing. But, then why do we do it? It makes us feel safe. It takes us away from the present moment. It draws us out of our bodies and our minds and aids us in escaping painful emotions and sensations.
One challenge for me when I started offering yoga therapy and trauma-informed classes was to express the profound balance between allowing oneself to remain mindful while also accepting the natural state of our minds. This is no easy task! We are all influenced by many external stimuli and one construct of that is our professional background. As a military veteran, my life was molded by constantly and urgently reacting to unpredictable conditions. This was safe in that given context. Learning mindfulness and allowing my mind and body to remain still in the moment, was foreign and unsafe to me.
A second universal factor that connects us on our yoga journey is breath. Creating a conscious breath practice cultivates a sense of safety within ourselves and the present. Breath work can slow our stress response and produce a greater sense of self-awareness. Additionally, learning to become safe in the world around us is often an aspect many of us take for granted. Acquiring a relationship with our breath can allow us to stay present in moments of chaos, without attaching ourselves to negative experiences.
Within my yoga therapy and trauma sensitive classes, I often remind participants that taking one breath at a time is all that we are physically capable of. In other words, our bodies can only either inhale in a moment, or exhale – we cannot do both. We cannot take in more than one action (e.g., 2 inhales/2 exhales) in any given moment. The same idea can be said for our minds. We should allow ourselves to be grateful for the healing process in any increment of time or size. Meaning, trauma recovery can occur one breath at a time and that is meaningful. During your yoga practice, you are the only one on your mat. Your breath is unique to you. Your trauma recovery does not have to look like anyone else’s. A journey into oneself is never expected to be absent of resistance, but one thing is certain: you can discover safety in one breath at a time.
About Christine Bowden: Christine Bowden is a yoga teacher and US Army retired combat veteran, with over a decade in service. Growing up as a dancer at the age of two, Christine has been immersed in the world of performing arts and athletics for over two decades. Christine received her BS in Dance Education from BGSU in 2007 to continue on to her MFA in Dance Choreography from SHSU in 2010. During her dance career, Christine began her yoga immersion and learning the psycho-social benefits of yoga and meditation. Finding a profound calling, she began to explore yoga as a tool to process mental health trauma, as many of her former fellow soldiers had struggled with this. Currently, Christine, an ERYT-200, continues to present regionally and nationally for Shape America, OAHPERD, and other agencies in the fields of dance, fitness, nutrition, and wellness. In 2014 she received her 115-hour certification in Mindful Yoga Therapy (MYT) and specialized studies on trauma sensitive yoga. Additionally, in 2015 she traveled to Minneapolis and received a 30-hour certificate from Firefly Yoga International in trauma-informed yoga. Christine won a government contract for fiscal year 2016-2017 to conduct trauma sensitive yoga classes on the armed forces base DSCC in Columbus, OH. With her first Master’s Degree in Criminal Justice and Psychological Law, she utilizes this experience when working in a clinical setting with military personnel, trauma survivors, and first responders.